These Broken Hands Of Mine
by Alanah963
Summary: Was intended to be a re-do of "I'm Coming Home" But it spun out of control. Please read and review. Also please please give it a chance
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Looks like I had less time on my hands than I originally thought, this is set 3 years after 6x12. Izzie and Alex did not slept together unlike my other story.**

I looked down at the simple white stick, where a plus sign starred back up at me. I glanced around the room and looked at the seven other pregnancy tests, scattered around the floor, some had a plus sign, others simply said the word 'Pregnant' and one had a smiley face. Not that I wasn't happy, I mean don't get me wrong I had been trying to conceive for two and a half years, but it shouldn't have come down to this, I shouldn't be getting artificially inseminated, I should be making a baby with my husband, well ex-husband. I'll take one more just to be on the safe side.

"Congratulations Izzie, you're officially seven weeks pregnant, now because of what happened last time, we want to keep you in over night for observation," Addison Montgomery told me, she was my neo-natal physician. I had been pregnant twice before and each time I lost the baby at the seven week mark.

"Addie, if I loose this baby, I can't do it again, I wont be able to take it," I whispered, my eyes filling up with tears.

"Izzie, you won't, I promise." Addison said with a smile. I just nodded and put my head back to go to sleep.

The next day came and went and I was being kept in for another night of observation. I hated being in the hospital, whenever I would go for a cat scan or an ultrasound it always felt like something was missing. That something was Alex.

"Izzie, you're being discharged, this pregnancy looks perfect so far," Addison came and told me with a smile. I was beginning to go stir crazy in this room. It was nothing like the ones at Seattle Grace, it was much smaller and they had two channels on the television. Which didn't have a remote I might add.

"Thank god, Addie, I was beginning to go crazy," I said jumping out of bed and packing my bag.

"Just take it easy, and come sign the discharge papers when you're ready," Addison said walking out of the room.

I pulled up to my house in the north city area of Shoreline. It was amazing, it had a great school system and was close to Seattle. I often thought of going back there for a day or two just to see him. When I became pregnant the first time, I was packing my bag to go back there to tell him. The second time, I was in the car driving there. Then the miscarriages happened, I had two options this time use three eggs and have no chance to try again or do two and one. I decided to have two implanted just in case I wanted to try again, even though it would be highly unlikely that just one would stick. I needed to go back to Seattle even if Alex wouldn't look at me, even if he had moved on, which I hoped he hadn't but still, I still just needed to see him.

_We were driving in the car our hands joined on top of the gear stick, one of my hands caressing my heavily pregnant belly. _

"_Iz," Alex whispered snapping me out of my day dream to look over at him._

"_I'm really glad you came home," He said with a small soft smile. I looked over at him, then to our hands intertwined, then down at my heavily pregnant bump and I realised even though it was unconventional I had everything I could ever want. _

"_Izzie, will you will you will you will you," Then the words from Alex's mouth turned into bull horn sounds._

I sat up in my bed and realised it was my alarm clock, my hand resting on my abdomen,

"We're gonna be okay baby," I murmured before getting dressed and ready to start my day. I packed an overnight bag and got into my car.

I drove away singing along to Ben Howard thinking of how Alex would react, finding out that I'm pregnant with his baby, I knew he would react badly at first, horribly, but eventually he would come back into his life. I had been keeping in contact with Meredith and Cristina. They would keep me updated on everything from the fights with Owen to baby Zola's first steps. Mark and Lexie had finally gotten back together, after two years of beating around the bush. They had been sitting on the ground each with a bottle of beer when Zola come up to them and put mistletoe in between them. One kiss later, Mark was planning to propose to her.

I had been so busy thinking about my past life I didn't notice the lights change or the car in front of her stop. "Oh Crap," I said after ramming into the back of the car in front of me, my hand flew to her abdomen as I got out of the car,

"I'm so sorry," I said to the driver as I inspected the damage, It didn't look too severe.

"It's fine no harm done," The driver said in a gruff voice, I recognised that voice, I looked over and I recognised him immediately. Even though he had aged three years since I last saw him, it was still him. He didn't recognise me and that broke my heart, did I mean nothing to him? Had he already moved on?

"Alex?" I whispered looking up to gauge his reaction or lack there of.

"What?" He snapped back at me, I guess he hadn't forgotten me then.

"I'm pregnant,"

**A/N: Yes? No? Good? Bad? Let me know.**


	2. Swim

Alex did what I expected he would do. He ran, but I can't say I blamed him, what are you supposed to do when your ex-wife shows up three years later saying she's pregnant with your baby. I guess I just hoped for more of a reaction then that. Who am I to say he doesn't get to react like that. I don't know why I still loved him. I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that I needed to protect this baby with every fibre of my being. I got back into my car and drove to the nearest mechanic.

He said it would take a week to fix so until then he gave me a loan of a jeep. I arrived at Meredith's. With my bag, on my shoulder I climbed out and trudged up the stairs of my old home.

"Izzie!" Meredith exclaimed, with arms wide open. "You should have told me you were coming," She scolded. Getting Zola back had changed her for the better, she was no longer the dark, twisty girl in the bar. No she was bright and shiny and as Cristina put it asking to be kicked in the face.

"I'm pregnant, Mer, and Alex he uh wont talk to me," I told her, tears building in my eyes.

"Oh Izzie, that's amazing," Meredith said jumping up to hug me.

We talked for an hour or two before we were interrupted by the door slamming against the wall and someone screaming for Meredith to get something for them.

Alex walked into the kitchen, looked at me and pretended that I wasn't there.

"How's my little princess?" He asked Zola, tickling her cheeks, making her giggle.

"So Alex," Meredith said breaking the awkward silence in the kitchen. "I'll take it you heard the great news?" Alex was by the fridge eating bites of cold pizza and swinging back mouthfuls of OJ.

"Good news? What good news?" Or at least that's what I think he said, the pizza was making it difficult to understand a word he was saying.

"Izzie's having a baby," Meredith announced in her asking to be kicked in the face voice. And right now that's exactly what I wanted to do to her.

Alex let out a snort and stormed out, slamming the door as he went.

"See Mer," I snapped, storming out of the house also. I had next to nowhere to go. I couldn't go to Joes because I couldn't drink. I couldn't go back to Mer's. I couldn't go to the trailer. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and Addison telling me where I needed to go and I knew it was true. I was alone. But I'd come this far, I had to keep going.

_You gotta swim, and swim when it hurts._

_The whole world is watching_

_You haven't come this far to fall off the earth._

I went to the place where my life in Seattle ended. Seattle Grace Mercy West.

I walked in and took in my surroundings, not a lot had changed. "Izzie Stevens, You better not be back to steal another heart." Bailey said walking up to me.

"Actually, Bailey, I need an ultrasound," I said, looking up or well down to judge her reaction.

"Izzie Stevens, you're having a baby? How long have you been trying for?" Bailey said with a smile on her face, that people didn't see often.

"About two and a half years, I was uh pregnant twice before, So I've been told to get regular ultrasounds," I said looking down at my feet, when you tell people that they never know how to react, most try to comfort you or try to get you to open up about it. People just think that one day, you're going to wake up and be okay with loosing a baby. They just think that because you never held the baby in your arms it doesn't hurt as much. It does. For your own body to betray you like that, having no one to blame the death of your baby on but yourself.

"Well, lets get you up for that ultrasound so," Bailey said in her no fuss voice. I wasn't going to lie, I was nervous. What if there was no heartbeat? What if my blood work had gotten mixed up and I wasn't pregnant at all? All these thought kept running through my head. What if? What if?

As I lay on the examination table, my eyes squeezed shut, as tight as possible. My lips barely mouthing the words to the 'Our Father'. But mouthing them none the less. Now don't get me wrong I wasn't religious, but what else was I supposed to do?

"Now, let me just, hang on, it can be a little hard to hear the heartbeat at 8 weeks," The OB on call told me, but the thoughts were running through my head. My body had failed me again, I had killed my own child again.

Then like a freight train, a whooshing sound filled the room as my eyes filled up with tears. I was hearing my babies heartbeat.

**A/N: Short chapter I know, but I just needed to write something, leave suggestions for the name, gender or if it should be twins or not. Chapter name comes from the song 'Swim' by Jack's Mannequin**


	3. Ultrasound

After hearing my baby's heartbeat I had gotten Dr. Bailey to print off a picture of the scan for me. Even though I was only 8 weeks pregnant so it just looked like a greyish blob, but it was my greyish blob. Well mine and Alex's. That is if he ever even acknowledged I was pregnant which he had yet to do.

I pulled up to Meredith and Derek's house only to see Alex pulling into the driveway at the same time as me.

"Hey Alex," I called to him jogging over next to him. "I got an ultrasound today if you want to see," He just brushed me off and walked in. I followed him into the living room where Mark and Lexie, who were recently married, had an announcement for everyone.

"I'm pregnant," Lexie shouted joyfully. I of course was delighted for my old student, but I looked over to Alex and saw he had turned the colour of a sheet. He quickly composed himself, mumbled a congratulations to his old lover and took a swig of his beer.

"Congratulations Lexie, how far along are you?" I asked, the younger taking my attention off Alex.

"About 3 months," She responded, her voice filled with delight. I wished Alex would have taken the same approach to the pregnancy as Mark had with Lexie, I understand that they're married but weren't Alex and I married once upon a time?

"Meredith," I hollered and quickly waved her into the kitchen, she followed me in with Zola on her hip pulling away at her mother's hair.

"I have something to show you," I said with a smile pulling the ultrasound picture out of my pocket. Her face lit up with delight and we became so engrossed in my unborn child everyone else outside our little bubble was forgotten about.

"Aw Steven's, it has your wavy black lines," Derek commented snapping us out of our little bubble.

"Karev know yet?" I nodded, looking down at my nails. "What's he done?"

"Nothing , Derek, that's exactly what he's done, sweet frick all," I snapped back.

He just nodded knowing better than to try and talk me out of the rampage I was about to go on.

"So, Izze were are you staying tonight?" Mere asked breaking the awkward silence.

"I was thinking about getting a motel,"

"Nonsense you'll stay here, in your old room,"

"B-"

"That's final," Meredith said with one of her good old dark and twisty glares.

I called out a final goodnight to everyone as I ascended the staircase and made my way into my old bedroom which still had so many memories, I was sat on my bed taking everything in when I heard a soft knock on the door followed by Alex opening it.

"Do you have it on you?" He asked his voice slightly slurred but we were talking so I didn't care in the slightest.

"Do I have what Alex?" I assumed he meant the engagement ring or the wedding one.

"The ultrasound Iz," I softened slightly at the old nickname and nodded slightly.

"Could I um, come on Iz I've never been good with this just show me the damn ultrasound," He said getting frustrated that he couldn't get the right words out.

I pulled it out of my pocket as he sat down next to me on the bed.

"Wow, that's our baby, We're gonna have a baby," He said allowing it to sink in.

"Yeah, Alex we are," I said knowing for the first time since I first started trying to get pregnant that I wouldn't be doing this alone.


End file.
